"U-Use the mayo," Hijikata whispered low into the silken sheets that made up Takasugi's too-luxurious bedding aboard the Kiheitai ship. How had he gotten here? How had it come to this? They were supposed to be peace negotiations, not get kidnapped and wind up with fingers in my butt.

"I have some oils in the--"

"USE THE MAYO!" the taller samurai cut him off, his hips shaking impatiently.

Silently, Takasugi complied, squirting the condiment into his palm with a loud ppplbbbtt that rose even louder than Hijikata's impatient moans.

They were in for a mayoy ride.